ben rides the bus

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

2009-08-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

last weekend was vacation, which meant reading. here's what i read last week, in planes, trains, automobiles, and parks:

"disgrace" - j.m. coetzee. coetzee was next on my list of nobel awardees to check out. i don't know that i'll be reading anything else by him. i am thoroughly glad that i read this book, though. a naked look at the darkness of humanity. the lingering power of sexual dynamics in a world that still studies shakespeare and hold truth and reconiliation committees. the more i mediate on this sparse novel, the more i am convinced of the panel's reason for giving him an award.

"love in the time of cholera" - g.g. marquez. "one hundred years of solitude" seems to make life-long acolytes or confused headache bearers out of the people who read it. i am definitely in the former category. this is only the second marquez book i've read, though, and i'm glad i read it when i did. after the starkness of "disgrace," completely and intentionally void of beauty, this book, a meditation on love, was incredible, like an 8-course meal.

i love how marquez staggers through the worlds he creates, seeming to get drunk on the richness of people. no stone is uncovered; ten pages may be devoted solely to a character who disappears for the rest of the novel, but it hardly matters. it doesn't feel like a series of vignettes. it just feels
real. not magically real - real. the only magic is in how he makes you feel while you read his work.

"new york: the big city" - w. eisner. eisner is apparently the father of the modern graphic novel, and this book, while not a graphic novel, was a good indication of why. dozens of vignettes in a paean to city life. some typical, some not; some hopeful, some not; each given an attention to detail that made the characters jump off the frameless page. i'm excited to pick up some of his actual novels from the library, maybe check out the spirit.

"american nerd" - b. nugent. a pseudo-ethnography of the nerd. really insightful research into the implications of class, race, gender, and even policies that play into the marginalization of the "other," as personified by the "nerd," nugent makes a compelling case when he is sticking to his theses.

i particularly liked his ruminations on the conceptions of human-ness in the enlightenment vs. the gradual shift into the industrial age. during the age of reason, he argues, we embraced rationality as the signifying characteristic of humanity. it was what made us different than the animals. starting with "frankenstein" and romanticism, however, we began to see machines performing many of the tasks that were previously done by humans. we began to embrace our animal nature was what signified us as human - not separate from animals, but separate from our own creations.

i was not a particular fan of his more straight non-fiction, reporting style, or his autobiographical moments. they interrupted an otherwise thought-provoking read, and seemed inappropriate. it seemed as though nugent was trying to legitimize his qualifications for writing the book - "look, see, i was a nerd!" the peeks into his adolescence, and the guilt he felt from his own treatment of his nerd friends, might be interesting in another context, but his attempt to weave in a personal narrative just came across as awkward.

"the portable february" - d. berman. dave berman is one of my favorite songwriters of all time. the songs of the silver jews are complex - almost always absurd at first, before the words start to make a slow sense that can be touching, hilarious and life-affirming in a bizarre fashion. these drawings, which remind me of my friend stephen's wonderful "manys" zine, are kind of along the same lines. a post-modern, contemporary art far side of sorts. there were a few pages that made me giggle long after i looked at them, but there are also a lot that i haven't the slightest clue about. i'm looking forward to picking this one up from the ol' coffee table and beard-scratching.

"the toolbox for sustainable city living" - s. kellog & s. pettigrew. "green" books are a dime a dozen these days. i'm not one of those ornery lefties who gets off on calling "foul" because most of these books are either near-worthless or filled with common-sensical ideas that people will still probably ignore. but i do approach books on "sustainability" with a hefty dose of skepticism.

which is why i found myself surprised as i bought this book on my annual quimby's splurge. it's so... useful! chicken-rearing, aquaculture, constructed wetlands, humanure, vermicomposting, and more. this was basically house-porn for me as i keep my fingers crossed pre-closing.

let me know if you want to borrow this one.

right now, i'm reading "the wordy shipmates" by s. vowell, about the second group of puritans to sail across the ocean (massachussetts and "city on a hill," not plymouth rock and thanksgiving myths). so far, it's not anywhere near as good as her "assassination vacation," which was a fascinating look at the assassins (and political atmospheres) of lincoln, garfield and mckinley, filled with wit and charm. that's not saying much, though - vacation was one of the best non-fiction books i've ever read. still, i'm hoping for a rebound.

dag. some memories and whatnot.

2009-06-26T22:35:00.001-07:00

last time i updated my livejournal (and, regularly, this blog), i was fresh out the desert and unemployed.

now, i'm engaged and looking at houses for to purchase them and make them mine own.

this month, i've been house sitting. waking up at 5 every morning to an old dog requesting access to the areas of the world in which she can lawfully poop. this has reinforced my belief in doggy doors.

a week ago we looked at houses that had comically large problems. one had a ceiling that was only six feet tall. one was obviously a pre-fab house whose doors would not shut. one was incredible but had no yard and smelled like cat pee. one was incredible, but the owners had neglected to take care of the roof, and the walls were bulging with moisture and we left with headaches from the bad things in the air.

i've been through two jobs. two and a half, if you count the one i was hired for on a wednesday and dismissed from the next afternoon - not because of anything i did, though. budgets.

i like the job i am in a great deal. i do research for a labor union. we are trying to better working conditions in the residential construction industry. we are also trying to end world hunger, destroy cancer, and solve the palestinian-israeli conflict.

when i first started working on union campaigns, my dear friend who has been working on a similar campaign said, "be sure to to take care of your mental health. this job can get really fucking depressing." i accepted her advice, but thought i had the iron will and the detachment to not be bothered. i was wrong.

i started a new band with sean and ben and randy and deacon and i really really enjoy it, but we've only practiced twice and i hope i'm not the only one who really, really enjoys it.

there have been TWO more incarnations of porches, both of which were really fun: stephen stinkbrein on bass, preston j.b. on drums. ray reeves on drums, jason p.w. on geet, ryan mcd on keys, francis on bass.

i am currently in the process of surprising my mother and father, the former of whom is my friend on facebook, but who, as of yet, does NOT read this blog (hence the dirty words).

i just finished "breakfast of champions." it was good, but too... vonnegut-y. cheeky. bluebeard will probably always be my favorite. currently almost done with "the monkey wrench gang." i hated it before i started to pick up on some of the tongue-in-cheek-ness, and i still love/hate it. not surprising, given what i have heard about his views on immigration.

sometimes doing anything good feels so sisyphean. there is such endless innocent need in this world and such great innocent destructive power in humankind. i write "human" there after catching myself writing "mankind" - but i think this is one instance in which mankind may be appropriate.

i lived at the tribe, which was surreal. i saw defiance, ohio play there six years ago. i played my first show with a 4-piece with defiance, ohio there two years ago.

i've been trying to get back into writing prose.

i went on tour with sean and ben, which was, as always, a blast and a half. monsters of snack. they bring out the best and the worst in me. somehow eating mcdonald's and more self-righteous than ever. the wonderful lazy days of driving six hours to hang out and play music for people.

10 days on the road is enough for me, though. anymore and i get all holden caulfield - phony this and phony that. i crave foundations and sacrifice and support.

there is a lot more that has happened that i do not remember that i wish i had written down. at least i've been journaling privately, though.

2009-03-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

yeah, i stole'em. naw, i mean, i took'em. i don't give a fuck, man. it's an old candy factory. you think they really care? you think they ain't got another sixteen tons of those things, loaded in the back of a truck somewhere, sitting around, gathering dirt and rust and all crawling with spiders? so i took'em. i got my wrench out of my backpack and a hammer and a screwdriver and i went to work.

i guess i ain't surprised the cops showed up. it was loud as fuck, and it was the middle of the night. yeah, i shoulda waited til afternoon. i thought it would be better to do under the cover of dark, see, but that didn't make sense after all. middle of the day in this neighborhood, there's all kinds of noise. no one woulda noticed. middle of the night, yeah, i bet you coulda heard it six miles down the fucking road.

so the cops show up, and i didn't even hear'em til they was right behind me, shining a flashlight over my shoulder.

"whatcha doin, red? whatcha up to there?"

so i turn around, and one of'em got his hand on my shopping cart, and the other one is the one holding the flashlight. one black guy and one white guy. what did they look like? they look like cops to me, man. beyond the uniform, they all look the same. short ones, tall ones, fat ones, skinny ones, white ones, black ones, hispanic. what do you want to know?

the black one, by my cart, he has his hand on his hip, real casual-like, the way they always do when they want to you know they're packing heat and all you've got is a hammer and a screwdriver and not even a hand to pull up your goddam pants.

of course i don't say anything back. what are you going to say back in these situations? it's not like you just got caught speeding. "yes, officer, i'm sorry officer." hope for pity? unlikely. i just look'em in the eye and hopefully give'em a little scare, without putting down the hammer or screwdriver just yet.

.

2009-02-19T23:36:00.000-08:00

MOVING BACK TO PHOENIX WAS THE BEST DECISION EVER

WAY TO GO B AND C

tonight i called a bunch of people to share the news, picked up water and a truck to take to the border, listened to abe recording in our basement, ate delicious pitacos with preston and vegged out and binged on 30 rock.

annoying.

2009-02-12T14:25:00.000-08:00

there is a meme growing in the press, encouraged by lots of republican/conservative thinkers, pundits, writers, and speakers:

"obama did what?! what if BUSH tried to do this?"

ignoring the juvenile nature of this invitation to argument, in many cases, bush has done the same things that obama did, in many cases. with regards to questionable nominees, there were several - i wasn't politically aware during his 2000 inauguration, but i do at least remember the harriet miers fiasco, one which should've been way more avoidable, as it dealt with the level of support of one's own party, and not the relatively private issue of backtaxes or pending grand jury indictments.

memory is short, though, and obama has had a larger problem getting his cabinet in place than seems prudent. these arguments, puerile though they may be, carry a little bit of water - although i'd argue in return that the press has certainly been critical of obama's choices.

the wall street journal's attempt to cry foul at obama's method for calling on reporters is ridiculous, though. are they really going to try and compare obama's pre-list of reporters he wants to call on with bush's numerous exclusionary tactics?

he didn't call on helen thomas for three years, for starters. then, there was the infamous republican-hired, soft-ball-throwing, reporter-cum-gay-male-escort Jeff Gannon (nee James Dale Guckert). (if you haven't read up on this story, i strongly encourage you to do so - if it weren't so sad, it'd be hilarious)

i could go into extensive detail about the bush administration's gutting of foia and flagrant disrespect for public records law and honest reporting in general, but i frankly don't feel like expending the energy.

finally, the practice of picking which reporters you want to ask first is hardly pre-screening. there is a limited amount of press passes given, and there is already an arduous process to go through to get one (a process that the illustrious Bush White House circumvented to get Gannon in). all presidents "pre-screen" reporters out of necessity.

this wall street journal article is disappointing - they are usually a respectable voice for conservativism, and i hope they don't devolve into fox news lite.

back.

2009-02-12T09:40:00.000-08:00

the overbearing gravity of the death of one who is close to us completely outweighs our ability to express anything of comparable significance, comfort, or meaning, and reminds us of the tragic shortfalls of relationships expressed in the terms of objective language.

got word on sunday that a friend of mine - and a very close friend of the no more deaths program - died this weekend. i haven't really talked to anyone about it yet, aside from corinne, laura, and steve, because i don't know what to say about it. just like when brant and jason died, talking about a death and then continuing to talk about other things leaves me numb and feeling generaly dissonant with my surroundings. i'll probably have a few drinks tonight and ramble about it in one forum of conversation or another.

on a completely different note: i want to start a band with all my friends.

also, i'm going to continue updating this, i think. not every day, though. i've started a journal for that. it makes me sad that i didn't do more to write over my year in chicago. i wrote a grand total of one-and-a-half songs in the entire year, didn't write any prose, or do any journalist-y type stuff either. yay depression! meanwhile, in the few months i've been back in phoenix, i've written eight new songs, published an article, and started three short stories. i'm starting to get an itch to take photographs again, too. yay ranch market!

august 12 2008

2008-08-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

I AM THE BOGGLE CHAMPION

argued with the fam about whether or not people who shoot holes in the water tanks in the desert are murderers or not. i say they are. if you know thirsty people will be slogging through an area, and you shoot holes in containers full of water that could save their lives, how are you not a murderer? family focused on all sorts of rationalizations for their actions, but the fact remains that they would be responsible for someone's death.

august 11 2008

2008-08-12T19:53:00.000-07:00

mexican/carribean restaurant in asheville, salsa's?

best food ever. seriously.

if i ever move somewhere new (unlikely), it will be asheville.

everyone says "hello."

every business seems local.

it's insular in that portland sort of way without being insular in that lincoln park/wicker park kind of way. hippies, punks, social justice-y folks all hanging out together, the way it should be, yanno?

also, weird that the first time i went to asheville it was almost exactly four years ago to see this bike is a pipe bomb play outside of a warehouse... this summer, i borrow rymodee from tbiapb's amp to play a show in chicago! small world.

august 10 2008

2008-08-11T07:09:00.000-07:00

my mom is the best boggle player in the universe
the board spelled out "fuck," "slut," and "dick" today, we had a good laugh about those.

august 9 2008

2008-08-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

"once there was a farm...
now there's an airport"

-advertisements in the pittsburgh airport

baxter has two bad legs now. he did his usual thing where he didn't recognize me at first, then he flipped out when he realized who i was, then he hurt himself trying to jump up and lick my face and limped around the rest of the night.

august 8 2008

2008-08-09T11:40:00.001-07:00

jamie got knocked unconscious while we were playing

holy shit

she's okay

folk fest was friend overload, in a good way.

goodbye party at work was less awkward than expected, and actually kind of sweet. i think it helped that yelene didn't show up til like 30 minutes before it was over.

august 7 2008

2008-08-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

mauled by tigers fest day one last night

so fun

but it highlighted why i can't stay in this town

everyone who was there from chicago (except for me, ricky, john, toby, etc.) was sectioned off into little hang out groups.

john, ricky, rob and i revived the dance caucus.

everyone who wasn't from chicago was having a great time with each other.
well, not EVERYONE.

but i get the point.

hot new mexicans, the ergs!, lefty loosie, a buncha others.

cori is in san fran, i am jealous.

punch

2008-08-06T13:00:00.001-07:00

Living in the Age of Terrorism, as we do, when the Streets are Unsafe at Night, and the Neighborhoods aren’t What They Used to Be, it is the narrator’s supreme hope that you will take this story with the utmost of seriousness. In years past, it may have been necessary to marginalize this True Story as a Parable or Metaphorical Commentary, but now that we are all busy Never Forgetting, the Average Reader will hopefully have learned to embrace the cold, harsh Reality of Random Violence and at least be comfortable with the idea of the overall Absurdity of Life once relegated to the pages of College Books.

Our story takes place in Jacksonville, a nice city sprawled lazily across the northeastern corner of Florida. The city is nestled against the underbelly of Georgia, and owes more to the sometimes anachronistic hospitality characteristic of the American South than it does to the bright lights, dance halls, and contemporary flair of Miami, or the gaudy touristic highways of Orlando. The city is preparing to celebrate the embrace of its one-millionth citizen, an achievement tracked by a bulletin board greeting every citizen crossing the St. John's River into the downtown area: "999,936! Get Ready, Jacksonville!"

august 6 2008

2008-08-06T12:57:00.001-07:00

the man who helped the woman who wanted my mattress sounded like he was having a heart attack while we carried the mattress downstairs. he kept saying things i couldn't hear and laughing really loud. he had a kickass old astrovan.

august 5 2008

2008-08-06T12:56:00.001-07:00

ever ting ess boxt

august 4 2008

2008-08-04T19:45:00.000-07:00

i walked past some fresh cement today. some hooligan had scrawled FUCK into it. at this point in my life, i probably shouldn't be giggling.

august 3 2008

2008-08-04T00:24:00.000-07:00

show at the evelands' tonight. definitely reached fever pitch. i got to lie on the ground and roll around with the microphone and be hoisted above the crowd, during one song. i'm pretty sure that's when you know it's working.

all the other bands were really good. i wish i'd seen/met the duders in cloudmouth way earlier. actually, i wish i could just re-do the first six months or so in chicago.

august 2 2008

2008-08-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

dance partaaaaaay

holy shit, climbing rules

so sore today

couldn't even open the refrigerator

had to put both hands on it and then use my weight to pull it open

august 1 2008

2008-08-01T23:46:00.001-07:00

thomas (not tom) wolfe sure was a racist

july 31 2008

2008-08-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

talked to bob about the apartment. feel better about it now... he's under a bunch of stress, i'm under a bunch of stress, it's a big stress parade.

a couple of months before i left in phoenix, a man named rocky came up to me and told me how much he loved my songs... it took me a couple seconds, but i realized i'd actually met him before, about two years ago, after a mono show at modified. he told me he wanted to give me a tape of his band's music. i told him i would be flattered, but i didn't have a tape player. a couple weeks later, at the modified, rocky rode up on his bike and handed me a walkman.

"our tape is in there," he said.

that skinwalkers tape ruled pretty hard. i got to use that walkman this morning to listen to the split fran did with whitman. her side of it is really, really, really beautiful... she turned 4 of her favorite poems into songs, and they sound like they were always meant to be sung. whitman's half is perty good, too, but his vocals are way too low in the mix - or maybe my walkman is dying.

july 30 2008

2008-07-31T05:57:00.000-07:00

bob is being really paranoid about the apartment. he is convinced that if there is a speck of dust on the kitchen floor when our landlord shows it to potential new renters, the landlord will keep all of our deposit. bear in mind - our kitchen floor is white tile, and he has two cats that shed fairly constantly. he's mopped it twice in the past 3 days.

he keeps prefacing his cleaning requests with "dude, i'm not trying to be a dick." he's not being a dick, just a huge, unnecessary pain my ass.

rejection from COAR job yesterday. will be hearing from the new times next week.

july 29 2008

2008-07-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

the man who took two garbage bags full of jewel cases from me told me he's going to propose to his girlfriend soon

i love craigslist

july 28 2008

2008-07-28T14:30:00.001-07:00

heard two really good stories on npr today.

one was on "the story" (which matt arbogast was on once, holy shit) about a man in south carolina who collected tin and daguerrotype (sp?) portraits of slaves.

he found out that a pictures of his great-great-great grandmother was in the possession of the plantation-owners who still lived in his hometown.

when he went to see it, he had a moment. apparently the woman who lived at the plantation, who was in her 80s, referred to his g-g-g-grandma as "aunt nursey," and spoke with overpowering affection about her. it rocked the storyteller's world that slave owners could view their human property as more than cattle. complicated.

the other story i heard was on another show - don't remember the name. it was about a u.s. bomber that crashed into the empire state building in 1945. a woman talked about watching her boss's head catch on fire. she threw her rings out the window while she hid in a corner office. "i figured somebody oughta get some use out of them."

it was an absurd statement that made sense in a way that kind of crushed my soul for a second.

whenever i hear/read pieces like that, i wonder if i'm making a mistake in not pursuing journalism much harder.

july 27 2008

2008-07-27T23:01:00.000-07:00

i'm usually afraid to ask people to do things because i'm afraid they'll think i just love them for what they do, when in reality i am in love with a lot of people for who they are... oftentimes, in spite of what they do.

scented candles to make: freshly sliced bell peppers, used bookstore.

july 26 2008

2008-07-27T09:22:00.002-07:00

dark knight was really good.

a lot of the criticism that i read (and there wasn't much) derived from people wanting it to be something very specific, then faulting it for not living up to their idea of what the movie should've been trying to do.

i hate all "cultural" reviews sometimes.

anyway, i really, really liked it. and i don't think saying things in the BatVoice will be unfunny anytime soon.

july 25 2008

2008-07-25T23:27:00.000-07:00

if i had to sum up my philosophy on humanity in one sentence, it would probably be: everyone's an asshole sometimes.

ghost mice show in the burbs today
burbed it up
with the burbkids + reddelicious
really fun

july 24 2008

2008-07-24T13:44:00.000-07:00

the only place i could get an appointment with a doctor was in chinatown. i was the only one there not speaking in chinese. there was an awkward moment when the doctor asked me if i moved my butt every day. i said "what?" and she said "i mean your bowels - you have bowel movements every day?"

i do, if you are curious.

antibiotics + cough medicine, the horowitz cocktail. hopefully it works.

july 23 2008

2008-07-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

halo fauna + porches + the gunshy + y lime? + blueberry fist @ weiser house. then falafel + cookies + arrested development with the gang at the house of todd.

really, really fun show. this was the first night i realized i was going to miss chicago after all. mostly because a lot of the friends i made in the city were in one place. not everyone i think is rad here - just almost everyone i feel real close to.

july 22 2008

2008-07-22T23:30:00.000-07:00

had a real good talk with alex tonight.

july 21 2008

2008-07-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

plus: adam, kellyanna, martin, yasi for dinner.
minus: batman sold out.

minus: my brain.

july 20 2008

2008-07-20T23:19:00.000-07:00

i miss corinne a lot. a lot a lot alot alot.

-------

wii-riffic.
dan we'rewolves: nicest dude ever.
dave from echo base collective. riding his bike across the country. assaulted by beer bottles and unnecessary cavity searches.
chips ahoy for breakfast.
macaroni salad for lunch.
aloo palak (spinach + potatoes) for dinner with yasi (?!) and her friend from boston, martin, and ricky.

show at colin's house ruled. i have a better jumpshot than i used to. emily's new zine is real good. mutiny amongst friends are pretty fun. this ship is sinking: against me! cover rules. good bands all around. all weekend. sweet dudes.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. ahem, wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

july 19 2008

2008-07-20T23:13:00.000-07:00

milwaukee is awesome

porches has now officially played an officially sparks sponsored event
fuel coffee shop was so good, bar guy had such a good bad attitude
the vault rules SO HARD
new friends
forgetting to put a price thingie near our cds, so people took them for free, about 30 of them
bummer: missing the zinefest by 3 minutes.
epic: finding a bag full of bruschetta afterwards
super epic: dance caucus
VLT
"is that man wearing a dress? that's none of my business" - man telling us "the dirty abcs"
"i saw a seventeen year old blind pit bull"
"he bit his lip taking a bong rip and needed 13 stitches. you try singing at summerfest after that!"

so good...

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in chicago, saw a woman beating a pug for no reason on the street friday night. in front of her 6 or 7 year old daughter, who was stonefaced, hugging a teddy bear, while the mother hit the pug really fucking hard because it had walked off the steps on the front porch. she called it a motherfucker.

stephen's brother andy made out with a girl he met on the sidewalk and went skinny dipping with. crazy, that stuff just happens in movies.

i wish that stuff wouldn't stick with me for so long.

july 18 2008

2008-07-19T02:10:00.000-07:00

random encounter of the month: i bumped into elise on the train. elise and kara were two really rad women i met at vista training in august. we hung out a couple times, then i lost my phone and couldn't find them on the interwebs.

i guess kara hated her vista thing so much, she quit and moved back to kansas.

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i pushed a "customer assistance" button on accident waiting for a train once. a page went off through the entire station saying "customer needs assistance." the train didn't come for 9 minutes after, and no one had come up to see if someone needed help.

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played with cloudmouth and scout's honor and tina sparkle tonight. fun. milwaukee all weekend. first test of my commitment to update this once per day (even if that means retroactively).

july 17 2008

2008-07-18T00:38:00.001-07:00

saw french quarter and glochids play tonight. a lot of good memories there. favorite, maybe: show at the palace, me and a few others sitting on the porch underneath our front window. we'd sit there to tell people to go in the back way while bands played. we could still hear the music.

it was a good show (most of them were. all of them were, except the last one, actually). the living room was packed. good friends and good musicians. stephen started playing one of his songs. he can play each of his songs in what seems like a dozen different ways, depending on his mood; he started playing one as a bit of a stomper. and the room started percussing, clapping or banging chairs or snapping, in dozens of different rhythms that all came together wonderfully.

it also makes me smile to think how i used to be intimidated by stephen. i don't have anything else to remind me of on that other than that stephen is a really great person. he makes me feel really good about myself.

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i've been having this pain in my gut all week. it is scaring me a little bit. like a constant, dull, burning knife up through where my ribs meet down to my upper stomach. i don't have much of an appetite and i feel tired and sore a lot. i hope it goes away soon.

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day started off nice. talked to a guy on the bus about chicago and racists. a frequent conversation of late. he smiled the whole time we talked and seemed stoked on life in general.

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my desire to not wake up and go to work is so palatable i feel like i am having a conversation with it right now.

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teague cullen might be the best musician ever

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love
ben

july 16 2008

2008-07-16T18:36:00.000-07:00

where does change really come from?

is it the result of millions of dollars and work-hours and years of lobbying? is it the willingness to take a risk by individual politicians? does it take a catalyzing public event, like the brutality of fire hoses and southern police during the protests and marches against segregation?

there are a lot of job opportunities posted for big advocacy groups, like pirg and the sierra club. these groups are famous of late for putting teenagers and twentysomethings on street corners to ask you if you (and your pocketbook) care about the environment.

the jobs have ambitious titles like "community outreach organizer" or "youth coordinator."

i'm hesitant to apply for these positions. working in an office for a year has given me enough alienation to last a lifetime, even though i am super high on the idea/basic premise of the organization i'm working for. with the sierra club and pirg, i have enough doubts about their methods and size that i think i'm going to pass for now.

i want a couple years of being told what to do, honestly. "teach these kids." "write these articles." "edit these papers." i've had enough of being a "liaison" - "building capacity and sustainability" - for now.

this'll probably all change tomorrow, anyway.

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jobs applied for (level of interest):

outreach coordinator for some LEGO robot program for kids at ASU (robots! destroy! could be cool?): rejected, pre-interview.
phoenix teaching corps (gung ho! cautious at best.): rejected, post-interview.
new times music editor (stoked on the possibility): pending.
community outreach and advocacy for refugees (stoked on the possibility): pending, interview kinda scheduled.
some kinda curriculum editor at the University of Phoenix: pending.

july 15 2008

2008-07-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

spent a good two hours talking to my downstairs neighbor tonight. i should say i spent a good 105 minutes listening - the man seemed to be in the mood to talk, and i was in a listening mood.

stitch was a punk rocker. he saw the clash, the buzzcocks, gun club, richard hell and the voidoids, the jesus and mary chain, magazine, the cramps (his favorite), the ramones, and many more back at the turn of the decade, before the 80's.

now, he's a recovering alcoholic, and he says, "i can't listen to anything that's too rowdy, you know, because..." (universal drinking-of-beer hand motion and a stitch laugh)

he also studied islamic law. he was raised a socialist zionist, then allied himself with palestinian radicals, studied islamic law at an islamic university, converted to lutheranism for a gentile wife, attends catholic mass and episcopalian church services. he worked in the rare book trade for 12 years. now he runs the new age "hoo-doo" store downstairs, with a gothy girl and a gnostic priest. he does rune readings for all kinds of people, "even politicians."

when he was in high school, he was targeted by the federal government. he was pretty heavily involved in the young socialist movement, and led protests at his school in skokie. apparently, federal agents would show up at his dad's work and ask him very publicly and loudly about his son's communist activities (trying to get his dad canned).

then, he went through a heavy libertarian streak. he's still a little bit maoist. he's a voracious reader of political writing.

he gave me a tip about a nature preserve on the north side. i'll have to check it out. near pulaski, on the green line.

he also talked a lot about health care. i'd write more about that if i had the mental energy - basically, we need universal health care. if you disagree, you haven't met the right people, or heard the right stories.

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i gave john, my backyard neighbor, my old bike frame. he offered to pay me, but i know he doesn't have much money, so i gave it to him, because i'm pretty sure he'll put it to good use. he said he might give me a 12 pack of beer, though. we talked a lot about pigeon shit.

john is an interesting guy. i'll write more about him another day, probably.

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due to an ignorant purchase in light of attending a vegan barbeque, i ended up with 12 hot dog buns after this weekend. 6 of the whole foods whole wheat variety, 6 of the cheap-bin white variety. if you think you know which one was vegan, you might be wrong.

anyway. the first time i had tofu dogs, it was before i was a real vegetarian (if you can count my lazy ass as a "real" vegetarian now). i saw them next to the hot dogs in the grocery store when i was on one of my health kicks. i thought, "oh, man... all the deliciousness of hot dogs, without the calories, fat, or sodium? count me in!"

when i got home and tried one, i died on the inside. it was probably in my top five worst eating experiences. three years later, i have definitely made my peace with veggie sausage - but i hadn't tried a tofu dog since. tofu dogs are less than half the price of veggie sausages, though, so i figured it was worth a shot. i picked up a couple bell peppers and poblanos to roast and throw on top with some leftover cole slaw i made for some delicious tacos.

they turned out alright, i guess. i didn't gag or dislike the taste, and i didn't have to smother them with mustard or ketchup to enjoy my eating experience.

july 14 2008

2008-07-14T21:12:00.001-07:00

riding the bus and taking the train aren't nearly so romantic when you do it an hour or two every day. most people, most days seem to be doing their best not to be noticed or make eye contact. self included.

exceptions: 14-year-old boys interested in my sex life (e.g. do you have a girlfriend? yeah. man, i got a girlfriend, she won't put out, though. how do i get her to do it? you do it with your girlfriend? you should respect her, man, and it's really not that important fuck you, faggot ass!)

i am such a gentleman.

everytime i get called a faggot now, i think of the guy in high school who would always call me faggot during photography class with his wrestling, key club buddies. bumped into an old friend in DC, and it turns out he's openly gay now. que ironico!

i found an empty king cobra, an empty, tiny bottle of vodka, and an empty pack of rolling papers in my seat today. i think that means i win bus yahtzee!

this guy sitting kitty-corner to me was boxing the seat in front of him. he had headphones. i really wanted to know what he was listening to. he wasn't buff, but he was in work-out clothes. broad-shouldered and tough-looking. at one point he looked at himself in his reflection in the window and gave himself a "whatcha gonna do?" shrug and smile.

practiced with zak, victor, and ricky today. pretty excited for our show at ronny's on friday.

listening to lots of aggro music. the south, malakai, refused. it makes me feel young and happy. especially the south.