punch

Living in the Age of Terrorism, as we do, when the Streets are Unsafe at Night, and the Neighborhoods aren’t What They Used to Be, it is the narrator’s supreme hope that you will take this story with the utmost of seriousness. In years past, it may have been necessary to marginalize this True Story as a Parable or Metaphorical Commentary, but now that we are all busy Never Forgetting, the Average Reader will hopefully have learned to embrace the cold, harsh Reality of Random Violence and at least be comfortable with the idea of the overall Absurdity of Life once relegated to the pages of College Books.

Our story takes place in Jacksonville, a nice city sprawled lazily across the northeastern corner of Florida. The city is nestled against the underbelly of Georgia, and owes more to the sometimes anachronistic hospitality characteristic of the American South than it does to the bright lights, dance halls, and contemporary flair of Miami, or the gaudy touristic highways of Orlando. The city is preparing to celebrate the embrace of its one-millionth citizen, an achievement tracked by a bulletin board greeting every citizen crossing the St. John's River into the downtown area: "999,936! Get Ready, Jacksonville!"